You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
