I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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