mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
