Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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