I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
