I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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