I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
