My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
