I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
