You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
