If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
