just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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