***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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