I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
