he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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