every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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