Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
