Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
