I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
