just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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