matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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