Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
