remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
