just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
