my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
