I intend to get homeless drunk
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
