My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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