I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
