you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
