We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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