I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
