There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
