the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
