FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
