i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Never joke about your clitoris.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
