went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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