My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
