my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
