How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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