Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
