Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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