the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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