yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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