It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
