WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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