That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
