There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
