Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
