Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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