I only kidnapped one of them. chill
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
