also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
