you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
