Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
