But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
